Sunday, May 16, 2010

May the Force be With ME

If you have an ex-husband or an ex-wife, you'd better hope that they are nothing at all like Darth Vader.

Darth Vader. Let's consider his Good Points, because surely he must have some. Well, he has a deep, authoritative voice which could in some contexts be perceived as sexy. And he's pretty skilful with the old light sabre.

Now the Bad Points. Evil. Unforgiving. Greedy. Harsh disciplinarian. Uses his light sabre to cut off his own son's hand. His favourite colour is Black. Unattractive breathing difficulties.

Hmmmm. Not much tipping the scales towards Attraction, is there?

Now let us turn our attention to my ex-husband, who unfortunately has many traits in common with Darth Vader.

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

A princess driving a white Mazda escaped from the Death Star and sped far away,
Taking with her the two tiny Princes, one being just an infant.
Few had ever dared to defy the great Lord Vader
and those who tried had been fed to Jabba the Hut.
The universe trembled with Darth Vader's rage
As he vowed to destroy
the Princess,
reclaim his rightful ownership of the Princes,
and convert them to the Dark Side
thus making...something, something, something....Complete.

My ex-husband, after almost 5 years of not lifting a finger as a father, has recently been in contact and says he "wants to pursue his right to see the children". He has had a right to see them all along. It's just that, after all the terrible, alcohol-fuelled, abusive stuff he did to the kids during their visits to him, the Family Court made some orders that he was not allowed to see them except with a Supervisor present.

His response was to say, "I don't accept those Orders. So I just won't see the children at all."

The kids were enormously relieved to hear that. With 5 extra years of maturity, they are prepared to see him on their own terms. They are not scared any more; they are angry. I don't think it's going to be quite the joyous reunion he is undoubtedly expecting.

"Luke, I am your Father..."

I think he is going to get a real shock when he is faced with two mature, poised, articulate young men who have strong opinions on many subjects, not the least of them being "Fathers & Their Responsibilities."

Oh dear! Somebody's Death Star is about to come under attack...


  1. oh baby wouldn't you just love to be a fly on the wall in THAT room? but seriously it is a dreadful shame that the children have to go through it. i am really sorry about that.

    d#1's ex told her youngest (at the time) that she would set the house on fire and let him burn up. Nice guy, huh? Poor kid was scared for years!

    best wishes for a great outcome though, if it's possible.

    smiles, bee

  2. I don't know how old the kids are [sorry] but I would be very careful putting them in a position of confronting their father when they are angry. He is still their father and may still have the abusive tendencies you list and no matter their maturity level they may well be harmed by him again.

    I have seen it happen too many times and I would hate to see your kids hurt yet again after a quiet five years. Sometimes things are better left alone or done the way the courts ordered [i.e. with a supervisor]

    Good luck to the boys. I truly wish them well.

  3. If your ex truly wishes to be more than just a biological antecedent to his children, he must first lose his pride and acknowledge his failures, both to you as their mother and to them, mend his ways and seek your and their forgiveness. Nothing short of those things will help or make the slightest difference.

    And I say that as one with over two decades of inter alia being a court appointed lawyer for kids in domestic relations proceedings.

    I pray he wakes up for his kids' sake and his own before it's too late.

  4. Hey Skippy, they are 13 and 11. Dont worry, any meeting will be mediated by a counsellor who's trained in those type of situations. Darth's not a big man; just a bully. Hey Randall, wow thanks for your support! Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. I hope Darth is willing to apologize to the kids, though I would be utterly shocked if he did.
    xxx Michaela

  5. Sorry about the ex but loving the way you tell the story. I'm betting there's more.......?

  6. I wonder if my ex has ever served your ex???? Perhaps, working together, they held up the end of a bar.

    Many blessings upon your young princes as they face down evil.

  7. I'm sorry to hear you and your children have to go through this. Glad that there will be counselor involved!
    Good luck with it all!

  8. Thank goodness there will be someone to mediate for your boys!
    But it sounds like your kids are old enough to form their own opinion of your ex. And in the process may make your hubby look like a hero!

  9. What an awesome analogy! And may I add, the force is already with your children.