Sunday, June 6, 2010

Awimbaway Comes Back to Bite Me



Recently I had this bedtime conversation with Jerome (11 and a half). I preface this by saying he is a bright,wily, argumentative, and creative boy. The conversation was reasonably typical of us:


Jerome: Mrs Charles (his math teacher) was having one of her "senior moments". She has those quite often.

Me: Really?

Jerome: Yes. She gets all cranky at us and says "Come on, Year 6! You can do this one." And we are, like, calling out the answer, and she says, "No. That's not it. Golly Gosh year 6 you should be able to do this," And after a long time, she goes, "Oh, okay, I guess that is the answer." And, she always says it's too hot in her classroom. She says her classroom is the hottest in the school.

Me: Maybe it's the menopause.

Jerome: Huh? The what!?

Me: Is she, like, about 50?

Jerome: Yeah...?

Me: You know, menopause. Like reverse puberty, where ladies stop having their periods? They get hot flushes and they can't remember stuff?

Jerome: Reverse puberty!!!??

Me: Yeah.

Jerome: You expect me to believe that? You just made that up!

Me: No, for real. What did you think happened. That ladies just go on and on having periods until they're, like, really old?

Jerome (who knows everything): I don't believe you.

Me: Go ask your Dad. He's in the kitchen.

Jerome: This is just like Awimbaway.

Me (laughing): Well, I admit I did make up a vegetable called Awimbaway.

Jerome: Exactly! You even admit it! And it was really eggplant. You lie to me about vegetables, so why should I believe you?

Me: Awimbaway sounded better. You actually tried some. And liked it. You would never have tried it, if I had have said it was Eggplant.

Jerome: How is this any different?

Me: Ask your dad, go right ahead.

Jerome: Reverse puberty. Do they lose their, like, body hair and stuff?

Me: Um. No, I dont think so.

Jerome: Does it happen to boys?

(Anxiety: My precious body hair, sign of manhood, will be taken away from me?)

Me: No. It does have the word "men" in it, but it happens to women.

Jerome: (relieved) Ohhh. Well, that's all right then.

Me: You don't care if it happens to ladies. Just so long as it doesn't happen to you.

Jerome: No. But, yeah.

Me: What did you think, that poor old ladies just go on and on having periods?

Jerome: I dunno! I don't think about that!!!

Me: Nah. They don't. It wouldn't be fair.

Jerome: What's it called again? Menopause? I'm telling you now, Mom, this better not be another Awimbaway.

7 comments:

  1. I wouldn't miss having my period, but I am not excited about all the rest that goes with it: dull hair and skin, hot flashes. Now, when I am late, I am torn between hoping I am not pregnant and worrying I have started menopause.

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  2. PS It's Annette. But that's a secret. You know. In case I ever have to find a job again. I don't want anyone connecting the real me with the online me.

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  3. Don't worry, I wont tell anyone. Just the whole internet..only kidding! Hey, would it be so bad to be pregnant? You could call the baby, I dunno, Fonzie? To go with your cats Laverne and Shirley. (Maybe we should continue this conversation in private. My email is on my profile.) xo

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  4. I can't believe you can casually talk about menstruation with your pre-teen son. Mine would have died a thousand deaths of embarrassment.

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  5. Mine would die if he knew I posted it online LOL.
    It's cool that you have such an open relationship with him, you 2 are so funny :)

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  6. And yes, about the hair...we just start growing more in places we don't expect...like chins, and mustaches. It's not fair.

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  7. This cracked me up! I love it! What a great conversation to have with your child and Awimbaway! I love that too! Much better than eggplant!
    Michelle xoxo

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