- is so jealous, he accuses you of having romantic feelings for your own cousin, just because you went alone together into the house to get a jacket
- spends a good half hour each day ranting about all his colleagues who he is convinced are out to get him
- demands a gourmet dinner cooked from scratch every night and utterly refuses to eat 'leftovers'
- locks you in the house and hides the keys whenever the two of you have an argument
- can make a tantrum last 3 days
- pretends to be writing a film script, as an excuse to start drinking before noon (computer = obligatory glass of wine)
Predictably enough, Darth was even more diabolical as an Ex-husband. Do you want me to describe some of the things he did? You do??? Oh, joy.
- tried to get my Child Support cancelled by telling Social Security that I was obtaining money fraudulently (Fail!)
- tried to get custody of the children by arguing that I was an unfit mother (Fail!)
- made allegations to the Independent Commission Against Corruption that I obtained all my excellent univeristy grades by sleeping with my professors. They had to investigate it, too! (Fail! In a way it's flattering. To get grades like mine, I would have had to be VERY excellent in the sack. Sorry, the truth is FAR less exciting! All I did was study.)
But all those things are long ago now.
Today I found myself yet again dealing with Mr Vader, in a Court Room far, far away...let's call it the Death Star. The issues were:
- Darth has decided to see the children again, after remaining absent for almost five years. I said, "Sure, they want to see you too, so they can tell you how mad they are at you. Then you can apologize to them for being an ass for almost five years. After that, you can take them indoor rock-climbing so long as you hold the ropes and provide a metric tonne of snacks."
- I asked Darth to sign the childrens' passport applications so they can get passports.
With two trained mediators in the room, it still took three and a half hours for us to discuss those two relatively small issues. I covered what I had to say in the first five minutes. The rest was, well, Darth moaning, complaining and carrying on.
Do you have a difficult person in your life? Let's hear it!