Friday, June 18, 2010

A Visit to the Death Star

How do you deal with the most difficult person in your life? I am sure you know what I am talking about. We all have one. A difficult person, I mean. In French, I believe the expression is "bete noire", which is loosely translated as 'pain in my ass who won't go away'.

Wherever you go in life there is always going to be someone who gets right up your nose.

When I was in the 3rd grade there was this girl called Ann-Marie. I detested her. She was such a whiney little teacher's pet. Wherever Miss Fabian went, there was Ann-Marie hovering by her elbow, waiting to tattle-tale. She was just like that fish in 'Finding Nemo', the one that has no life of its own but just picks a larger fish and follows it everywhere.

Every day I hoped that Miss Fabian would suddenly come to her senses and backhand Ann-Marie clear across the room. But she did not. Ann-Marie went on cleaning the blackboard, sharpening the pencils, and tattling quietly to Miss Fabian. I can remember so clearly her pinched little face and her shrill, scolding voice. Ann-Marie made me want to tear my hair out in frustration.

Once, on a school excursion, I had to walk around the Zoo in a group that included Ann-Marie. I spent most of the excursion thinking up ways for her to 'accidentally' fall into the lions' cage. Or the crocodile enclosure.
These days, the most difficult person in my life is my ex-husband, or 'Darth', as I affectionately refer to him. Darth made a terrible husband. Imagine a man who:
  • is so jealous, he accuses you of having romantic feelings for your own cousin, just because you went alone together into the house to get a jacket

  • spends a good half hour each day ranting about all his colleagues who he is convinced are out to get him

  • demands a gourmet dinner cooked from scratch every night and utterly refuses to eat 'leftovers'

  • locks you in the house and hides the keys whenever the two of you have an argument

  • can make a tantrum last 3 days

  • pretends to be writing a film script, as an excuse to start drinking before noon (computer = obligatory glass of wine)

Predictably enough, Darth was even more diabolical as an Ex-husband. Do you want me to describe some of the things he did? You do??? Oh, joy.

  • tried to get my Child Support cancelled by telling Social Security that I was obtaining money fraudulently (Fail!)

  • tried to get custody of the children by arguing that I was an unfit mother (Fail!)

  • made allegations to the Independent Commission Against Corruption that I obtained all my excellent univeristy grades by sleeping with my professors. They had to investigate it, too! (Fail! In a way it's flattering. To get grades like mine, I would have had to be VERY excellent in the sack. Sorry, the truth is FAR less exciting! All I did was study.)

But all those things are long ago now.

Today I found myself yet again dealing with Mr Vader, in a Court Room far, far away...let's call it the Death Star. The issues were:

  1. Darth has decided to see the children again, after remaining absent for almost five years. I said, "Sure, they want to see you too, so they can tell you how mad they are at you. Then you can apologize to them for being an ass for almost five years. After that, you can take them indoor rock-climbing so long as you hold the ropes and provide a metric tonne of snacks."

  2. I asked Darth to sign the childrens' passport applications so they can get passports.

With two trained mediators in the room, it still took three and a half hours for us to discuss those two relatively small issues. I covered what I had to say in the first five minutes. The rest was, well, Darth moaning, complaining and carrying on.

Do you have a difficult person in your life? Let's hear it!


  1. How much time do you have? heehee - I, too, had the ex husband from hell. His torment [and that of his second wife] only ended when he OD'd a few years ago. Funnily enough the kids simply don't miss him. Wonder why?

    Just remember it WILL end one day - the kids will eventually turn 18 - but try and do your best not to say bad things about him around the kids no matter how mad you are at him. Okay? I know it is hard [gah, do I know] but he will always be their father.

    Good luck [and feel free to smack the schmo' from me if you get the chance ;D]

    Love ya!

  2. That sounds scary! Good for you for getting out of that situation.

  3. I really feel for you, having to still deal with him. It sounds like you are doing all the right things though... and staying calm, cool and collected through it all. QUITE an accomplishment!!!
    I have difficult people in my life, but the ones that are like Darth? I don't have time for them, and try not to think of them. When I do of course it affects me, but I am lucky. I have no children with them and don't have to deal with them like that!!!
    (I love the part about the grades by the way lol :) )

  4. He sounds like he's as much fun as a root canal.

  5. luckily i don't have anyone in my life like this. what a turd...

    smiles, bee

  6. Dear God, don't let him cut Luke's hand off again!

  7. It's situations like these which caused me to stop doing domestic relations cases. For the life of me, I cannot understand people who will not or can not grow up.

    Who does he think he's harming, anyway? For all the transitory joy he may obtain by making your life (and your kids') miserable now, I know that on his deathbed, he'll regret every last minute of it.

    I pray he finds the strength to ask for forgiveness, and you the the double strength to deal with him in the meantime.

  8. Fortunately not! I have no time for difficult peopl!

  9. ahhhh. this was a good read today, as i am struggling with my most difficult person in my life, ex-landlord (see a few recent posts on my blog). perspective is key, so thank you for helping me with that. looking forward to reading more dracula posts. as far as darth, i would suggest a quick shark punch to the face. or at least a fantasy shark-punch ;)